Our identity is usually developed from the time we are small children by a variety of influences, from what our parents say to us to our social-economic background, from our ethnic origin and culture to society in general. We have every type of media displaying how we should look, dress and behave in order to be accepted. How we fit into the expectations of others usually determines how we view ourselves and it is because we are social creatures that the opinion of others is so important to us, everybody wants to fit in!

The biggest problem with this approach to identity is that it is based on our perception of what others think about us. Did we fit the mold of what is expected of us or are we accepted by the people who are supposed to be “cool”? That can change from one day to the next, one moment your in, the next your out. It is determined by how we are accepted by others.

Here’s the thing, perception has no basis in the truth! It does not take into account your value as a human being, as someone who has been created by and in the image of a loving God. It does not take into account the individual gifting and purpose that He has placed within each person. Worst of all, perception gives power to others to define you. Everybody wants to be liked, everybody wants to be accepted and that should happen but you cannot allow what other people think to define who you are because you will operate out of that perception. You will make life changing decisions based on lies.

I recently stumbled onto a movie called “That’s What I Am” with Ed Harris, I had never even heard of the movie but it was a poignant story about those very tough middle school years and dealing with acceptance and perception. It revolved around three people, the main character Andy, a “normal” eighth grader, Stanley or “big G” an outcast who is a very tall boy with red hair, a large head and even larger ears and Mr. Simon, their single, mid 50’s literature teacher, who is “perceived” to be a homosexual. The story is set in the late sixties when being labeled as a “homo” meant the end of your career.

I won’t go into details but I think the movie dealt very well with identity and the acceptance and perception that goes along with forming it. In my estimation Stanley turns out to be the hero of the movie because he refuses to be defined by others. Mr. Simon handles the accusation of being gay with honor and dignity and Andy turns out to be a kid who does the right thing but it is because Mr. Simon has the ability to see potential in people and affirm them in that potential.

I am convinced that regardless of what social-liberals say, we can be tolerant and remain true to our moral convictions. We can live and work in a world that is sometimes very contrary to what we believe. God has not called us to be a voice of condemnation but a voice of hope, not to be conformed to the society around us but to be salt and light. We seldom quote John 3:17 but it says that God did not send his son into the the world to condemn it but to save it.

If you know Jesus, your identity should come from an understanding that you are a new creation in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17) and that he is the one that defines you and not what others think. I have a lot to say about that and intended to do so in this article but it just went another direction. I will cover that next week.

In the mean time, please be very aware that a lot of people don’t have that understanding yet and they view themselves according to what we say to them or about them, especially young people. Look for potential in people, speak to those gifts that lay hidden beneath the surface and affirm their worth. If you want to make a difference in people’s lives find something good in them and affirm them in it. I’m speaking to myself most of all because it doesn’t come natural for me, it takes a continual conscience effort on my part and too often I don’t do it. I’ll try harder if you will.

Blessings,
Jeff